My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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