I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
