Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize