Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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