i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize