I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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