Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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