The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
