Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
