I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
