I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
