Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
