I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
