I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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