I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
