Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
