Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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