I wish I could punch you in the face.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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