____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
