Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
