Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
