you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
