I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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