your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
