I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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