I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
