I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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