i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
