thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
