And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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