My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
