Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
