Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
