I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
