the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
