Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are the jesus of drinking
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
