So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
