I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I supernannyed him into submission
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
