you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
