So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
