u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Panties = found
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
