dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
