i think i have two assholes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
