There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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