im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
