He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
