i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
