What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize