absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
