party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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