ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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