The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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