I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
