I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
