She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize