dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
