shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
