you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
