kristin has been a bad kristin
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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