i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
