handjob tips. give me some.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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