I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
