I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
