why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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