I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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