matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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