He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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