If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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