I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
