i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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