my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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