I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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