I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
