Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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