its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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