I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize