Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
