So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
