they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
