I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
