Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
