And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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