she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
